it's not a religion, it's a relationship (part 1)

as most of you know, i have undergone a wonderful transformation in the past year regarding my relationship with God. i love sharing my story.

january 11, 2009 was the first day that i set foot into open door bible church. from the moment i walked in, i felt something that had been lacking in every church ive ever stepped into. i felt welcome. i remember my 7th grade english teacher opening the door and letting me in and embracing me in a warm hug, and i could tell right away that i was going to like this place. she invited me to sit next to her and her family for the service because i had come alone.

having been raised and brought up in a catholic church for the first 17 and a half years of my life, i had one narrow minded view of what church was. everyone gathers, sing a song, listen to some readings from the bible that never made much sense to me, listen to the preist talk for a bit about random topics that never held my interest, walk up to the front of church and get communion and that was it. throughout all of this, there was reciting prayers that i had known since a young age that if i were to actually think about it, didnt make sense either. church would bore me, and even at 16 and 17, i would still try to fake sick or come up with some excuse as to why i couldnt go. i didnt get it.

open door bible church has opened my eyes to a whole new world. i was lacking so much knowledge before going there, and of the knowledge i did have, the majority of it was false. i had never picked up my bible before just to read. no way. that is boring. at least, that was my mindset.

i can remember me thinking to myself as young as age 7 when i know i did something wrong, i would wonder if i was going to hell. in my mind, i would have 2 sheets of paper. i would imagine that every time i did something good, i would get a tally mark on the "good things" sheet, and every time i did something wrong, i would get a tally mark on the "bad things" sheet. from a very early age, i was brought up thinking that my "good things" sheet had to have more tallies than the "bad things" sheet, because the more bad things i do, the less likely chance i had of getting into heaven.

as i got older, i hadnt thought any different. the ages of 13-15 were really difficult for me. it was those years that my faith was nearly non existent and i didn't really have a relationship with God. i still went to church every week becuase i was forced to, and if i didnt, it was a sin and i wouldnt go to heaven. i experienced some major depression, and had contemplated and even attemped suicide a few times. i was at such a low point in my life that i knew that if i died, i was pretty sure i was going to hell. it was a very confusing and difficult time for me.

a few years had gone by, and during my 17th year i wasnt in such a depressed and emotionally charged state of mind. i was maturing, and i knew that there was a God, and i had a religious base in me that goes back to birth. i had always gone to church, but i didnt have a relationship with God. i knew that there were people that had what i wanted. i had friends that liked their church and would bring friends to it and would look forward to all these fun events with their youth group. i felt like i was missing out, and i wanted what they had. i started seeking advice, asking friends for help. i wanted to be spiritually alive.

one thing led to another, and my search to be alive in Christ is what led me to open door on that cold january morning.

i will be honest, it was nothing like i was used to at all. i wasnt sure what to expect, so i guess i was prepared for anything. we all stood up and we were singing praise songs. i had never heard these songs before because i was used to singing hymns from the hymn book. it was an awakening experience. there were drums, guitars, a bass player, keyboards, and there were like 6 people in the front of church performing all of these songs and everyone around me was singing along. this was all new to me! but i could tell a few songs in that i was going to like it here.

after we spent some time singing praise songs, we were told to be seated, and then pastor sid walked up to the front. he told us to get out our bibles and open up to mark, chapter 13. now, i had a bible sitting on some shelf somewhere in my room. i never opened it. i never felt the need to. i didnt bring it with me. at that point, the whole idea of reading and following along in our personal bibles at church was a completely new idea to me. i had never seen or heard of anyone bringing a bible to church. i was used to hearing someone read a short passage from the old and new testament as we listened, and then moved on to the next part of mass. it was never explained, no matter how confusing. it was read, and then we moved on. never thought twice about it.

so, pastor sid starts with a breif overview of what had been gone over last week, and then started talking about mark 13. he basically had us follow along as he read it, and would go into detail about every verse. we all had sermon outlines in our bulletins, and he was explaining key points on a white screen with powerpoint and a projector. he talked for a good 45 minutes or so, and then we prayed, and then it was over. i remember asking "was that it?"

for once in my life, i sat through a church service, and i felt like i had actually learned something. it held my interest completely, and i didnt once feel a second of boredom. i couldnt wait to go home and tell my family all about it. i had never been able to explain what a preist said during a homily because it was usually irrelevant and didnt pertain to me. what really shocked me was that sunday afternoon after i had gone home and told mom and dad all about it, i was actually looking forward to next sunday so i could go again. they didnt believe it. after all, what parents of a 17 year old would believe that they were actually looking forward to going to church?

i continued to go every week, slowly meeting people, and i was so excited when my mom finally came with me. i kept looking forward to the next sunday where i could learn more and sing more praise songs. my relationship with God was growing more and more each week.

i dont remember what the exact date was, but sometime last spring, pastor sid was using a diagram on the powerpoint to explain something. he had asked us, "what are you trusting in to get to heaven?" i didnt know what he meant by this, and then went on to give us three choices. 1, we could be trusting in works alone. 2, we could be trusting in Christ alone, or 3, we could be trusting in Christ + works. well, he didnt give us an answer. so, i thought about this. well, i had always thought about the good works thing, it went along exactly with my mental tally mark system. i knew that was part, if not all of it. of course we had to do good things, that's just how it is! i thought about the second option, and that just seemed foreign to me. why would someone just think of trusting Christ to get to heaven? there was no way that could be possible. i thought to myself that it had probably had to be some of both, because i knew God had a say in it, so i thought that the third choice was the right answer.

i was so wrong.

pastor sid went on to explain that no one deserves to get to heaven, and that no matter how many good things we do and how many bad things we avoid, none of that matters. he explained that everybody is a sinner, and we all deserve to go to hell. he elaborated further, and explained the concept of being saved, a term that i had never heard before. being saved, (assured entrance into heaven) simply requires that we have to understand that we are all sinners. we have to believe that God sent his one and only son to the earth in the form of man to live amongst sinners to die on the cross as our substitute. we need to believe that God sacrificed his son to pay for the sins of everyone, past, present and future. if we believe that in our hearts, then we are saved, therefore we can get into heaven.

hearing all of this was completely new to me. it almost seemed too easy. i had never once thought i had done anything good enough to get in. that was the day that i became saved, and i placed my complete trust in Jesus. it was literally a life changing moment for me. in a way, it was also a big relief.

a few months later, i was baptized as a believer. it was on july 26, the day before i turned 18. me and a few other people of all ages and all with unique stories to share took turns going up to the front of church and sharing our testimonies, about how we came to faith in Christ. then we were all went outside and took our turns getting into a big tub, and we were immersed in water. that is a day that i will remember for the rest of my life.

my faith continues to grow as time goes on, and i absolutely love sharing my story. my life has changed for the better over the past year, and it is an indescribable feeling. it is wonderful knowing i have a personal relationship with God, and i am honestly not afraid to speak up about my faith. it is without a doubt the most important thing in my life, and i want God's love to shine through me to others.

Lord, you are so amazing and perfect. i desire to live a life that pleases you. i surrender myself completly unto your will. Lord i know you have great plans for my future. i pray that when i am struggling, i am able to turn to you, for your love never falters. i know that i will encounter difficulties, and i pray that i can do the right thing. with you in my heart Lord, i know i can overcome any difficulty. i pray this in your wonderful name, amen.