"For I know the plans I have for you" declares the Lord

as of right this minute, i pretty much have no idea what i want to do with my life. ever since i was a child, like anybody else, i have had dreams of what i wanted to be when i was older. as i got older, my ideas and plans have changed. i have been "absolutely certain" many times that i was on the right track. not even having been out of high school for a full year, i have already been enrolled in two colleges and within a week of the first day, i have dropped out of both.

at this time last year, i had my plans set. i was going to finish high school, make money during summer, go to wartburg college out in iowa for four years, get a four year degree in social work and then move back here. i was going to find a job close to where i live now, and have an apartment by myself, and eventually get my masters in social work. well, all of those plans came to a halt after attending one day of classes out in iowa.

i moved back home, and started looking for a job, and had almost two months of no luck. in november i was hired at goodwill, and by that time, i had decided to go to ltc starting in january. i thought that i was taking on way too much of a load back at wartburg, so i thought that taking just two classes, having class once a week and being a part time student would be easier. i would have school on thursdays, and still work as much as possible at goodwill so i could be schooling and still making money. again, i had a bunch of plans, and they all changed after one day of class.

a bit off subject here, but pretty much everyone that knows about my school incedents or hears about me dropping out after one day, twice for that matter, doesnt get it. they dont get how i can come to that decision after one day. it's hard to explain, and i'm not going to get into detail about it. but people need to understand that what may be best for someone else may not be best for me. when people say i give up too easily, they don't understand what was going on inside me. i just know that some things just cant work out. it really hurts me when people think i am lazy or not trying or when they say i dont have motivation.

mom and dad have been asking me a lot lately about my future plans, what i want to do with my life, what job i want to have, questions like that. honestly, i dont have an answer for them. i have had plans and hopes and dreams for my future before, and they always get crushed. they never happen. i can get myself all excited about plans for the future, and when they end up not happening, it's yet another disapointment. i simply tell my parents that i don't know what i want to do. i dont know if i will ever get any more education. i dont know where i will live. i dont know when i will move out, and we all want it to be hopefully soon. i dont know when i will get married. the answer "i dont know" doesnt satisfy them.

i can easily name off countless jobs and careers. teacher. police officer. computer repair person. auto mechanic. lawyer. doctor. store manager. research scientist. plumber. wedding planner. interior designer. taxi driver. the list goes on and on and on. but no matter how many jobs i name off, i just can't seem to picture myself in any of them.

careers i have considered in the past, i still have an interest in. for example, social work. i would love to be able to help and connect with children and teens that are disadvanteged and living in troubled homes. i feel like i can easily sympathize with people, and i have a lot of compassion. lots of people have told me that i have a big heart full of love. i agree. that's why i was so passionate about social work, because i know i can easily show love and understanding an patience, and i knew i wanted to work with kids and teens. i wanted to help change lives, one at a time. i still want to reach out to kids and teens that are struggling, but if you look at the job of a social worker, it's a lot of paperwork, dressing in business casual outfits every day, sometimes going to court, that doesnt interest me. i dont want all that formality, i just want to be able to help people.

after my plans for pursuing social work, i considered childcare. this is what i was enrolled in ltc for. last summer i did a lot of babysitting, and i absolutely loved it. i melt around babies, and i have been told before that i am really great with kids. countless people have told me that i would be a great mom, and i agree. i cant wait to be a mommy. childcare, mainly working in a daycare, is what i was aiming for next. not exactly the same as social work, but i still would still be working with kids, just much younger kids. and i wouldnt really be able to help those in difficult situations.

as of right now, i dont know what i want to do as a career or job. thankfully, i have a good job working 30-35 hours a week, and i do like it. but, i dont want to work at goodwill forever. i am simply living day by day, and i dont know what i will be doing or where i will be next month, much less next year. some may say that my mindset is lazy and unmotivated, and that is not true.

when i am asked what i want to do with my life, i dont know, at least not career wise. but over the past year, and especially in the past few weeks, i feel like all i want to do is praise God and worship him. i love sharing my story about being saved. when i talk about my faith, i find it, for the most part, really easy to talk about. i have encountered some struggles with people questioning my beliefs, but it has only made my faith stronger. i try to read in my bible as much as possible, and i am getting better and better and being able to reference specific verses. i have an overwhelming urge to tell people about the gospel. God is my life. i want to share it with friends, family, coworkers, even strangers. of course, it is hard sometimes, especially when i dont know the person that well. i know that i cant talk to everyone and share the gospel and my story with every person i know, so i am trying to simply live a life pleasing to Christ. yes, i mess up and struggle daily with temptation, but i pray that God living within me can shine through me in things i do and say, and maybe people can notice Christ in me and ask me why i am always so happy, or why i act a certain way or something like that. i want people that don't know about God's amazing love to maybe see it working in me.

so basically i dont know what career or job i want to do, but i do know that i want to live for God.

i dont know what God has in store for me. i know that he has a wonderful plan for me, i just dont know about it yet. so when my parents ask me about what i am going to do for the rest of my life, and i say i dont know, it means that God has not yet revealed his plan for me. i continue to pray for my parents and anyone else that is worrying about my future. of course, i wonder about what i will end up doing, but i try not to stress out about it or worry about it too much, because that will not help any matters. i take life day by day because i have faith and trust in God that everything that has happened so far is all leading up to his grand plan for me.

"For I know the plans I have for you" declares the Lord. "Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." ~Jeremiah 29:11

"Cast your cares on the Lord and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous fall." ~Psalm 55:22

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight" ~Proverbs 3:5-6

"The Lord is good, a refuge in times of trouble. He cares for those who trust in him." ~Nahum 1:7

almighty God, you are amazing. you know every thought i've ever had. i put my complete trust in you, for you know my future. you have an amazing plan for me. i will wait patiently for your plan to be revealed to me. i know whatever hardships i will encounter, you will be right there with me. i want to lift up those who are worrying about me or anxious about my future plans. i pray that they too will be patient with you revealing your plans for me. God i also pray that when i am faced with an evangelistic opportunity that you work through me, and be in my heart guiding me with the right words to say. i ask this in your name. amen.