Lord, there is nothing you and i can't accomplish together

yesterday was sunday, which is, of course, my favorite day of the week. it was a very interesting day. a mix of highs and lows. but through both the good times and bad, i knew God was with me.

open door bible church, the church i attend, had started a saturday evening service this past weekend for the first time. i was planning on going this past saturday just to check it out, but some last minute plans to spend the day with my boyfriend came up. which was perfectly fine. saturday evening, my mom texted me telling me that it was a great service, so i knew it had to be exceptionally well. i find every week's service great, but there are some that just stand out. when mom makes a point to tell me, i know it is going to be good.

sunday morning, i roll out of bed around 6:15, and get ready for the day as i do every sunday. i am not usually a big fan of waking up at this hour, but i look forward to it on sundays because i love worshiping and learning more and more about God. i get to church about 10 minutes to 8, so i have some time before praise and worship starts. i take out my bible, and since yesterday was valentine's day, i look for my favorite passage on love. i'm not going to post the whole passage on here because it's kinda long, but it's 1 John 4:7-21.

well, mom was right. the service was wonderful. the music was fantastic, and the sermon really hit deep. after the service, i went to my bible study group for the hour in between services. after that, i went out to my car to get something that i was delivering to someone who attends second service. i walked into the auditorium and delivered the gift, and i was asked if i was staying for second service. i said no, that i went to first service because i had to work in the afternoon. we said our goodbyes, and i drove home. on the drive home, i realized that if i didnt have to work in the afternoon, i would've said "yes, i would love to stay for the second service." it honestly was that great of a service! that has never happened to me before. but i liked that feeling.

i get home, and i tell mom she was right, that it was an excellent service and i explained that if i didnt have to work, i would've stayed to hear it all again. she might've believed me, i dont know. so then i have some time to kill before i have to go into work at 1, so i just browse around online, nothing too interesting.

now, normally i would've had this past weekend off. every other weekend i have off. unfortunately, i did have off saturday and sunday, but both days i had to go into work. saturday for a staff meeting, and sunday for forklift training. now, i had heard about a week prior about the forklift class that i had to attend. i really was not looking forward to using the forklift. it's kind of hard to explain, but it kinda scared me for some reason. i didnt want to have to be in control of that big peice of equipment.

so i get to work, and punch in at 1. scott, the guy coming up to train me and 5 others, arrived around 1:30. we all sat around the table in the break room, and were handed 19 page booklets that had general information about forklifts, safety tips, hazards, dos and donts, etc. we were told right away that we are going to be tested, and if we pay attention and use common sense, we should easily pass. in a weird way, i was hoping i'd fail.

after we went over the booklet, we were going to watch a video about forklift safety. before scott put the video on, he told us that there is a lot of blood and gore, that it can be pretty disturbing. immediately, i began to worry and feel anxious, because i dont handle seeing other people's blood very well. i mentioned that, and i was told to just look away.

i don't want to go into too much detail about the film itself, because i don't want to feel anxious again about it, but there were a lot of actual forklift accidents that were dramatized and acted out, and they showed body parts coming off and A LOT of blood. unfortunately, i didnt look away fast enough for the first few scenes. i felt waves of nausea hit me, and i tensed up, and i became pretty dizzy. i started shaking, and it was hard to catch my breath. luckily, i closed my eyes and tried to focus on deep breathing so i wouldn't start hyperventilating and have a full blown panic attack. that helped a bit, but through the whole video i was shaking and felt sick. some people kept asking me if i was okay.

towards the latter half of the video, i had learned to look away sooner, but sometimes i looked back at the screen too soon, and felt more waves of nausea. nonetheless, i wasn't doing great, but i had calmed down a bit since when i first started feeling sick. when the video finally ended, we took our tests, which took no more than 10 minutes. once we were all done taking them, we were all chatting amongst ourselves, and i joined in the conversation, and by the time he was done correcting our tests and we went over the right answers, i felt nearly back to normal.

unfortunately, that feeling didnt last long. i thought after the tests, we would be done. no, now we all were to go out by the forklift and learn about ours specifically. then, we were to each take turns driving it, as well as stacking and unstacking. i then began to panic all over again. i didnt want to use it before, and after that horribly disturbing video, i REALLY didnt want to use it. it was so big to me, so intimidating. plus, i already felt bad about drawing attention to myself during the video, and i didnt want everyone watching me have a panic attack trying and failing at this thing. i felt sick again.

scott asked for a volunteer to start because we would all have to do it. of course i didnt volunteer. so i watched the first volunteer go, and my panic was increasing by the second. i really really didnt want to do this because i knew it would not end well. halfway through the second volunteer's turn, i felt so sick that i didn't say anything, just walked out of the back room and straight to the bathroom, where i proceeded to throw up. when i was done in there, i walked back to where we were all standing and watching. i was still shaking, and was still dizzy. after a few minutes, i felt so ill that i had to sit down on the floor. i was completely mortified and i hated drawing all this attention to myself. but i couldnt help it.

scott got me a chair from the breakroom so i could get off the floor, which again, was embarassing. he asked me if i was going to take a turn, and i said no with a trembeling voice.

the class was now over because everyone had succesfully used the forklift. except me. he took me aside and told me that he wasn't going to certify me, and i said that i was more than okay with that, that i didn't want to be in the first place. he asked me if i was panicky because of the forklift itself, or because other people were watching. i thought about that, i said it was probably a bit of both, because i am terrified of public speaking. i know this isnt the same as public speaking, but in a way it was because everyone's focus was going to be on me, watching me, judging me, scrutinizing my every move.

by this time it was around 3:30, and everyone that was in the forklift class was asking christy, the head supervisor, what they should do, whether it be pricing, going on their lunch break, or go out on the floor and straighten up and put things away. she told everyone what they should do, and lastly, she told me she wanted to speak to me in the office.

she told me that if i really hadn't wanted to go through with the training, i should've talked to her ahead of time. she said that if i knew there was going to be an issue with anxiety and getting sick, i should've talked to her. i told her through my tears that i didn't know that the video was going to upset me so much, and i didnt know that i wasn't going to go trough with it. im standing there crying, feeling terrible, and shes twisting around, making it sound like i knew that all of this was going to happen. she then explained how she was paying for him to come up here and train us, and paying for us to be there to get certified. she basically said i was wasting company money, which of course added to all of my guilt from before. she ended with telling me that i could leave at 4.

i got home and briefly explained to mom what happened. then, we went into my room and went over a chapter of a book we are reading together about evangelizing to others in a natural, not preachy way. i really enjoy it. we had an absolutely amazing discussion, and the only reason it ended an hour later was because we had to discuss dinner. i felt better mentally, but still had a bit of an upset stomach.

then, for the first time in months, if not a year, mom, dad, john, joe and i were all in the living room together, and we all watched a movie and ate pizza together. we very rarely have time to do things together as a family anymore because we are usually all in different places at different times. so that was nice.

later in the evening, i was talking to adam on the phone, and i told him all about my day, the good parts and the bad. i mentioned that i was kinda nervous about going to work the next day (today) because of what people might say to me regarding sunday's embarassment. i have gotten made fun of before in regards to having panic attacks, and i figured it was just going to happen again. he reassured me to not worry, that it's gonna be fine.

this morning before i went to work, i prayed to God asking for him to be with me, to help me with any difficulties i may encounter. i found this verse, and reflected on it:

"When I am afraid, I will trust in you. In God, whose word I praise, in God I trust; I will not be afraid. What can mortal man do to me?" ~Psalm 56:3-4

it is so true! i know God is always with me, through good times and bad. when i was dizzy and shaking at work, when i was throwing up, and when my supervisor was making me feel bad, God was with me. today at work, i was reading in my bible during my lunch break, and i came across this verse.

"I sought the Lord and he answered me; he delivered me from all my fears." ~Psalm 34:4

can it get any more clear than that? the Lord is always with me. i need to have faith in him at all times. he has a plan for me :)

Almighty God, i want to pray to you and ask for your help. there are many times i am struggling, or am encountering a difficult situation. i know you are always with me, but sometimes i forget that when i am hurting. i pray that my faith in you will continue to strengthen, and that i won't forget of your compassion and never ending, unfailing love. i also want to pray that when i an in a difficult situation, that you could give me the right words to say. Lord, thank you for helping me through the bad parts in my life, as well as being with me to rejoice during the good times. Lord i ask this in your precious name, amen.

"For I know the plans I have for you" declares the Lord

as of right this minute, i pretty much have no idea what i want to do with my life. ever since i was a child, like anybody else, i have had dreams of what i wanted to be when i was older. as i got older, my ideas and plans have changed. i have been "absolutely certain" many times that i was on the right track. not even having been out of high school for a full year, i have already been enrolled in two colleges and within a week of the first day, i have dropped out of both.

at this time last year, i had my plans set. i was going to finish high school, make money during summer, go to wartburg college out in iowa for four years, get a four year degree in social work and then move back here. i was going to find a job close to where i live now, and have an apartment by myself, and eventually get my masters in social work. well, all of those plans came to a halt after attending one day of classes out in iowa.

i moved back home, and started looking for a job, and had almost two months of no luck. in november i was hired at goodwill, and by that time, i had decided to go to ltc starting in january. i thought that i was taking on way too much of a load back at wartburg, so i thought that taking just two classes, having class once a week and being a part time student would be easier. i would have school on thursdays, and still work as much as possible at goodwill so i could be schooling and still making money. again, i had a bunch of plans, and they all changed after one day of class.

a bit off subject here, but pretty much everyone that knows about my school incedents or hears about me dropping out after one day, twice for that matter, doesnt get it. they dont get how i can come to that decision after one day. it's hard to explain, and i'm not going to get into detail about it. but people need to understand that what may be best for someone else may not be best for me. when people say i give up too easily, they don't understand what was going on inside me. i just know that some things just cant work out. it really hurts me when people think i am lazy or not trying or when they say i dont have motivation.

mom and dad have been asking me a lot lately about my future plans, what i want to do with my life, what job i want to have, questions like that. honestly, i dont have an answer for them. i have had plans and hopes and dreams for my future before, and they always get crushed. they never happen. i can get myself all excited about plans for the future, and when they end up not happening, it's yet another disapointment. i simply tell my parents that i don't know what i want to do. i dont know if i will ever get any more education. i dont know where i will live. i dont know when i will move out, and we all want it to be hopefully soon. i dont know when i will get married. the answer "i dont know" doesnt satisfy them.

i can easily name off countless jobs and careers. teacher. police officer. computer repair person. auto mechanic. lawyer. doctor. store manager. research scientist. plumber. wedding planner. interior designer. taxi driver. the list goes on and on and on. but no matter how many jobs i name off, i just can't seem to picture myself in any of them.

careers i have considered in the past, i still have an interest in. for example, social work. i would love to be able to help and connect with children and teens that are disadvanteged and living in troubled homes. i feel like i can easily sympathize with people, and i have a lot of compassion. lots of people have told me that i have a big heart full of love. i agree. that's why i was so passionate about social work, because i know i can easily show love and understanding an patience, and i knew i wanted to work with kids and teens. i wanted to help change lives, one at a time. i still want to reach out to kids and teens that are struggling, but if you look at the job of a social worker, it's a lot of paperwork, dressing in business casual outfits every day, sometimes going to court, that doesnt interest me. i dont want all that formality, i just want to be able to help people.

after my plans for pursuing social work, i considered childcare. this is what i was enrolled in ltc for. last summer i did a lot of babysitting, and i absolutely loved it. i melt around babies, and i have been told before that i am really great with kids. countless people have told me that i would be a great mom, and i agree. i cant wait to be a mommy. childcare, mainly working in a daycare, is what i was aiming for next. not exactly the same as social work, but i still would still be working with kids, just much younger kids. and i wouldnt really be able to help those in difficult situations.

as of right now, i dont know what i want to do as a career or job. thankfully, i have a good job working 30-35 hours a week, and i do like it. but, i dont want to work at goodwill forever. i am simply living day by day, and i dont know what i will be doing or where i will be next month, much less next year. some may say that my mindset is lazy and unmotivated, and that is not true.

when i am asked what i want to do with my life, i dont know, at least not career wise. but over the past year, and especially in the past few weeks, i feel like all i want to do is praise God and worship him. i love sharing my story about being saved. when i talk about my faith, i find it, for the most part, really easy to talk about. i have encountered some struggles with people questioning my beliefs, but it has only made my faith stronger. i try to read in my bible as much as possible, and i am getting better and better and being able to reference specific verses. i have an overwhelming urge to tell people about the gospel. God is my life. i want to share it with friends, family, coworkers, even strangers. of course, it is hard sometimes, especially when i dont know the person that well. i know that i cant talk to everyone and share the gospel and my story with every person i know, so i am trying to simply live a life pleasing to Christ. yes, i mess up and struggle daily with temptation, but i pray that God living within me can shine through me in things i do and say, and maybe people can notice Christ in me and ask me why i am always so happy, or why i act a certain way or something like that. i want people that don't know about God's amazing love to maybe see it working in me.

so basically i dont know what career or job i want to do, but i do know that i want to live for God.

i dont know what God has in store for me. i know that he has a wonderful plan for me, i just dont know about it yet. so when my parents ask me about what i am going to do for the rest of my life, and i say i dont know, it means that God has not yet revealed his plan for me. i continue to pray for my parents and anyone else that is worrying about my future. of course, i wonder about what i will end up doing, but i try not to stress out about it or worry about it too much, because that will not help any matters. i take life day by day because i have faith and trust in God that everything that has happened so far is all leading up to his grand plan for me.

"For I know the plans I have for you" declares the Lord. "Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." ~Jeremiah 29:11

"Cast your cares on the Lord and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous fall." ~Psalm 55:22

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight" ~Proverbs 3:5-6

"The Lord is good, a refuge in times of trouble. He cares for those who trust in him." ~Nahum 1:7

almighty God, you are amazing. you know every thought i've ever had. i put my complete trust in you, for you know my future. you have an amazing plan for me. i will wait patiently for your plan to be revealed to me. i know whatever hardships i will encounter, you will be right there with me. i want to lift up those who are worrying about me or anxious about my future plans. i pray that they too will be patient with you revealing your plans for me. God i also pray that when i am faced with an evangelistic opportunity that you work through me, and be in my heart guiding me with the right words to say. i ask this in your name. amen.

it's not a religion, it's a relationship (part 2)

having God in my life is without a doubt, the greatest thing to ever happen to me. i love talking about it, i love sharing my story about coming to faith in Christ. being saved has transformed my life, and i know that it is noticable. ive had people tell me straight out what a change they've seen in me, and it makes me feel so good to know that God's love in me is shining through to others.

i have gotten a lot of positive feedback about coming closer to God and a lot of people are happy for me. i have friends and other adults that i can openly talk about the bible and God and chruch with, and i cherish those relationships with those people. but as with any situation, it isn't all positive and happy. i get a lot of negative response too.

there will be times on facebook where in a status, i will ask people to pray for me, or i will simply put a bible verse as a status. of course i have some people tell me that they will pray for me or will "like" my status. i also will be criticized, made fun of, or even mocked. i know that there are nonbelievers out there, that is a fact. i know i am friends with nonbelievers. it does bother me and sometimes hurt me when people that are important to me judge me based on what i believe.

a few weeks ago, i updated my "about me" section on facebook, which is basically my rewritten testimony. i am very proud of it, and i wanted to share it. after i rewrote it, i wanted people to read it, so in a status i asked for people to read it. of course, i got a lot of positive feedback, but i also got a lot of negativity.

one person in particular texted me about it because i wasnt online. she told me that because of what i wrote and because i asked in a status for people to read it, i was apparently pushing my religious beliefs on everyone. this conversation troubled me. she said that i was a hypocrite because i had done a lot of bad things, and then i go and write this stuff up "trying to make myself sound all perfect and holy." she basically called me a liar and that i was writing this stuff up to make my self sound good. i knew she was wrong in accusing me with this stuff, and at the time, i was in shock that she could accuse me of this. i prayed for her because i knew she was lost and she didn't know what she was talking about.

at the time, i didnt really have much to say to her. but now, if she is reading this, and she should know who she is, i want her to read this and at least try to understand.

"For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God." ~Romans 3:23

yes, i am a sinner and i have done bad things in my life. i still sin, and i know i will sin in the future. we are all sinners, and i am no better than anyone else. everybody is a sinner, and that is why God sent Jesus to pay for all of our sins.

"If we claim to be without sin, we decieve ourselves and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. If we claim we have not sinned, we make him out to be a liar and his word has no place in our lives." ~1 John 1:8-10

with her calling me a hypocrite, she is basically calling anyone that has God in their lives to be hypocrites. i am no better or worse than her or my mom or a pastor at church. we are all sinners, and nobody deserves to go to heaven. because we are all sinners, we deserve hell and eternal punishment.

"For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord." ~Romans 6:23

i know i am a sinner and i dont deserve to be with God in heaven. but, i also believe that God sent Jesus to pay for my sins and i placed my trust in that. i know that i am going to heaven because i acknowledge that i am a sinner just like everybody else, but i have been saved from eternal punishment.

"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only son, that whoever beleives in him shall not perish but have eternal life." ~John 3:16

"For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith -and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God- not by works, so that no man can boast." ~Ephesians 2:8-9

"But when the kindness and love of God our Savior appeared, he saved us, not because of righteous things we had done, but because of his mercy. He saved us through the washing of rebirth and renewal of the Holy Spirit, whom he poured out on us generously through Jesus Christ our savior, so that, having been justified by his grace, we might become heirs having hope of eternal life." ~Titus 3:4-7

this is an amazing truth and i want to share it with everyone. i know that through my life, there will be struggles and sharing the good news isnt always going to be easy. i know that i have a firm foundation with Jesus. he is my center, and my faith cannot be shaken. i just have to learn to be more patient and pray for those who are lost. here is a passage that i like to reflect on when i am struggling with this:

"Dear friends, do not be surprised at the painful trial you are suffering, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice that you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when his glory is revealed. If you are insulted because of your name in Christ, you are blessed, for the spirit of glory and of God rests on you. If you suffer, it should not be as a murderer or theif or any other kind of criminal, or even as a meddler. However, if you suffer as a Christian, do not be ashamed, but praise God that you bear that name. For it is time for judgement to begin with the family of God; and it begins with us, what will the outcome be for those who do not obey the gospel of God? And, 'If it is hard for the righteous to be saved, what will become of the ungodly and the sinner?' So then, those who suffer according to God's will should commit themselves to their faithful Creator and continue to do good." ~1 Peter 4:12-19

Lord, you are all powerful. you do all things good. i want to pray for your guidance in my life, and i want you to be in my heart. when i encounter difficulties of doing your will and sharing the good news, i pray that you will guide me to do what is good. i want to live my life for you. Lord, i pray that your love will shine through me and help me reach out to others that don't know of your wonderful love. i want others to know you and be able to know and experience the great joy that i have. i ask this in your name, amen.

it's not a religion, it's a relationship (part 1)

as most of you know, i have undergone a wonderful transformation in the past year regarding my relationship with God. i love sharing my story.

january 11, 2009 was the first day that i set foot into open door bible church. from the moment i walked in, i felt something that had been lacking in every church ive ever stepped into. i felt welcome. i remember my 7th grade english teacher opening the door and letting me in and embracing me in a warm hug, and i could tell right away that i was going to like this place. she invited me to sit next to her and her family for the service because i had come alone.

having been raised and brought up in a catholic church for the first 17 and a half years of my life, i had one narrow minded view of what church was. everyone gathers, sing a song, listen to some readings from the bible that never made much sense to me, listen to the preist talk for a bit about random topics that never held my interest, walk up to the front of church and get communion and that was it. throughout all of this, there was reciting prayers that i had known since a young age that if i were to actually think about it, didnt make sense either. church would bore me, and even at 16 and 17, i would still try to fake sick or come up with some excuse as to why i couldnt go. i didnt get it.

open door bible church has opened my eyes to a whole new world. i was lacking so much knowledge before going there, and of the knowledge i did have, the majority of it was false. i had never picked up my bible before just to read. no way. that is boring. at least, that was my mindset.

i can remember me thinking to myself as young as age 7 when i know i did something wrong, i would wonder if i was going to hell. in my mind, i would have 2 sheets of paper. i would imagine that every time i did something good, i would get a tally mark on the "good things" sheet, and every time i did something wrong, i would get a tally mark on the "bad things" sheet. from a very early age, i was brought up thinking that my "good things" sheet had to have more tallies than the "bad things" sheet, because the more bad things i do, the less likely chance i had of getting into heaven.

as i got older, i hadnt thought any different. the ages of 13-15 were really difficult for me. it was those years that my faith was nearly non existent and i didn't really have a relationship with God. i still went to church every week becuase i was forced to, and if i didnt, it was a sin and i wouldnt go to heaven. i experienced some major depression, and had contemplated and even attemped suicide a few times. i was at such a low point in my life that i knew that if i died, i was pretty sure i was going to hell. it was a very confusing and difficult time for me.

a few years had gone by, and during my 17th year i wasnt in such a depressed and emotionally charged state of mind. i was maturing, and i knew that there was a God, and i had a religious base in me that goes back to birth. i had always gone to church, but i didnt have a relationship with God. i knew that there were people that had what i wanted. i had friends that liked their church and would bring friends to it and would look forward to all these fun events with their youth group. i felt like i was missing out, and i wanted what they had. i started seeking advice, asking friends for help. i wanted to be spiritually alive.

one thing led to another, and my search to be alive in Christ is what led me to open door on that cold january morning.

i will be honest, it was nothing like i was used to at all. i wasnt sure what to expect, so i guess i was prepared for anything. we all stood up and we were singing praise songs. i had never heard these songs before because i was used to singing hymns from the hymn book. it was an awakening experience. there were drums, guitars, a bass player, keyboards, and there were like 6 people in the front of church performing all of these songs and everyone around me was singing along. this was all new to me! but i could tell a few songs in that i was going to like it here.

after we spent some time singing praise songs, we were told to be seated, and then pastor sid walked up to the front. he told us to get out our bibles and open up to mark, chapter 13. now, i had a bible sitting on some shelf somewhere in my room. i never opened it. i never felt the need to. i didnt bring it with me. at that point, the whole idea of reading and following along in our personal bibles at church was a completely new idea to me. i had never seen or heard of anyone bringing a bible to church. i was used to hearing someone read a short passage from the old and new testament as we listened, and then moved on to the next part of mass. it was never explained, no matter how confusing. it was read, and then we moved on. never thought twice about it.

so, pastor sid starts with a breif overview of what had been gone over last week, and then started talking about mark 13. he basically had us follow along as he read it, and would go into detail about every verse. we all had sermon outlines in our bulletins, and he was explaining key points on a white screen with powerpoint and a projector. he talked for a good 45 minutes or so, and then we prayed, and then it was over. i remember asking "was that it?"

for once in my life, i sat through a church service, and i felt like i had actually learned something. it held my interest completely, and i didnt once feel a second of boredom. i couldnt wait to go home and tell my family all about it. i had never been able to explain what a preist said during a homily because it was usually irrelevant and didnt pertain to me. what really shocked me was that sunday afternoon after i had gone home and told mom and dad all about it, i was actually looking forward to next sunday so i could go again. they didnt believe it. after all, what parents of a 17 year old would believe that they were actually looking forward to going to church?

i continued to go every week, slowly meeting people, and i was so excited when my mom finally came with me. i kept looking forward to the next sunday where i could learn more and sing more praise songs. my relationship with God was growing more and more each week.

i dont remember what the exact date was, but sometime last spring, pastor sid was using a diagram on the powerpoint to explain something. he had asked us, "what are you trusting in to get to heaven?" i didnt know what he meant by this, and then went on to give us three choices. 1, we could be trusting in works alone. 2, we could be trusting in Christ alone, or 3, we could be trusting in Christ + works. well, he didnt give us an answer. so, i thought about this. well, i had always thought about the good works thing, it went along exactly with my mental tally mark system. i knew that was part, if not all of it. of course we had to do good things, that's just how it is! i thought about the second option, and that just seemed foreign to me. why would someone just think of trusting Christ to get to heaven? there was no way that could be possible. i thought to myself that it had probably had to be some of both, because i knew God had a say in it, so i thought that the third choice was the right answer.

i was so wrong.

pastor sid went on to explain that no one deserves to get to heaven, and that no matter how many good things we do and how many bad things we avoid, none of that matters. he explained that everybody is a sinner, and we all deserve to go to hell. he elaborated further, and explained the concept of being saved, a term that i had never heard before. being saved, (assured entrance into heaven) simply requires that we have to understand that we are all sinners. we have to believe that God sent his one and only son to the earth in the form of man to live amongst sinners to die on the cross as our substitute. we need to believe that God sacrificed his son to pay for the sins of everyone, past, present and future. if we believe that in our hearts, then we are saved, therefore we can get into heaven.

hearing all of this was completely new to me. it almost seemed too easy. i had never once thought i had done anything good enough to get in. that was the day that i became saved, and i placed my complete trust in Jesus. it was literally a life changing moment for me. in a way, it was also a big relief.

a few months later, i was baptized as a believer. it was on july 26, the day before i turned 18. me and a few other people of all ages and all with unique stories to share took turns going up to the front of church and sharing our testimonies, about how we came to faith in Christ. then we were all went outside and took our turns getting into a big tub, and we were immersed in water. that is a day that i will remember for the rest of my life.

my faith continues to grow as time goes on, and i absolutely love sharing my story. my life has changed for the better over the past year, and it is an indescribable feeling. it is wonderful knowing i have a personal relationship with God, and i am honestly not afraid to speak up about my faith. it is without a doubt the most important thing in my life, and i want God's love to shine through me to others.

Lord, you are so amazing and perfect. i desire to live a life that pleases you. i surrender myself completly unto your will. Lord i know you have great plans for my future. i pray that when i am struggling, i am able to turn to you, for your love never falters. i know that i will encounter difficulties, and i pray that i can do the right thing. with you in my heart Lord, i know i can overcome any difficulty. i pray this in your wonderful name, amen.