my thoughts as of right now

im probably dehydrated from crying so much in the past few days. im trying to figure out if its better for me to drop out or wait til i flunk out. i am royally screwed. i am a waste of space. there is no purpose for my existance anymore. i wanna go home and never come back and i wanna go to sleep and never wake up. no one gets it. i want out of all this pain, stress, being overwhelmed, tiredness and this life. every minute that i go on is another minute of tears and regret. nobody understands what is going on. me getting out of bed this morning was nothing short of a miracle. i have zero motivation whatsoever. there is no future for me. i am simply a failure. i cant even get thru the first day of classes without starting on the pathway to failure. after one day of classes i am already behind and lost and confused and hopeless. i called my best friend yesterday and he doesnt get it. i instant messaged my mom last night. she doesnt get it. she tells me to stop being stubborn and just go seek out help and talk to the teachers. my love called me before and i told her what's gonig on. she doesnt get it. she just says that she wishes she was here with me and she says that i can get thru this if i just talk to the teachers for help. she says it cant be that hard. i said you just dont get it then i hung up on her. i went back to crying. i havent even left my dorm today except to walk across campus to set up a counseling session. i spent the rest of the day being lifeless. i spent the past 2 hours curled up on my bed crying and dozing off periodically in the dark. i dont want to go anywhere because that means that i will run into people. if i run into people, they will talk to me and that means i will have to say something back. im pretty sure i cant do that without breaking down into tears. i was sitting alone in my room crying yesterday when a picture fell off the wall on my roomates side of the room, and it broke a light thing of hers. there was broken glass all over her dresser top. i took a peice of broken glass and held it in my hand. i didnt use it. i put it in my dresser drawer just in case. i am a failure and i am sick of being a burden to everyone. all i do is get in the way and bother people. i am sick of all the crying and hopelessness. i want it all to go away. i want to go to sleep and never wake up.